7th grade- Revising Your ELO 5 Feature Article
Directions:
Trade your feature article with a peer and review the model paragraphs below.
Check to make sure the feature article has all the parts included. Also, check
for any misspellings or small errors they might have missed in the feature
article.
I. Sample introduction
paragraph:
The modern classroom has moved
beyond the days of the teacher reaching his or her fingernails across the
chalkboard to bring the class to attention. Nowadays, teachers must bring their
class to attention and engage every student in class. Gene Dolgoff invented the LCD projector to help teachers engage and
teach students. This invention is
beneficial because it makes learning easier for many students, saves paper,
and enables the teacher to incorporate many learning modalities and aspects of
technology.
·
Now look
at the paper in front of you and revise for the following parts:
1.
Is the
hook engaging to you? Why?_____________________________________________________________
2.
Do
they introduce the inventor or company who invented the invention? Who was
it__________________________________________________________________________________________________
3.
Do
they explain the purpose behind the invention? How? _________________________________________________________________________________________________
4.
What
is their thesis? Does it contain all the parts?
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
II.
Sample Body Paragraph (Maybe two or three body paragraphs)
Subtitle: “LCD Projectors Create
Crip and Clear Lessons”
The LCD projector was needed to
create crisp and clear pictures that help teachers display the information to
their students during a lesson. In the article, “The Great Technology War: LCD
vs. DLP,” Evan Powell explains that “one benefit of the LCD projector is that
it has historically delivered better saturation” (Powell) and also “delivers a
crisper image than other popular projectors like the DLP (Powell). These clear
projections of lesson materials help students take better notes because they
are allowed to see the information more clearly, as apposed to more outdated
technology such as the overhead projector that projected transparencies yellow
in color and blurry. Furthermore, the
quotes relates back to the idea that by helping students see the
information better, teachers can ensure that their students can focus on what
is being taught, instead of wither the picture is in focus.
·
Now look
at the paper in front of you and revise for the following parts:
5.
What
is the topic sentence? Does it introduce the body paragraph?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
6.
Is
there textual evidence and it is cited correctly?
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
7.
Do
they explain their quotation and what it means? Do they relate back to thesis?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Is there a subtitle?
Does it suit the paragraph? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________
III. Conclusion
Paragraph:
Subtitle: “More Technology Leads to More Innovation in the
Classroom”
The LCD projector was needed to display
information in a convenient and confortable way for the viewer’s vision and
attention. By creating clear and bright images people are more likely to be
engaged and interested in what is being projected. With this vision in mind,
Dolgoff began the process of inventing the LCD projector that would one day
evolve into a million- dollar enterprise and lead to further inventions into
3-D technology. Perhaps with inventors like Goldoff one day the classroom LCD
projector will be replaced by a 3-D hologram of Ms. Christensen or Mrs.
Cardenas! After researching this invention, I realize how ideal the classroom
is for state of the art technology like the LCD projector, SMART boards or even
individual student iPads. The classroom is the place where critical thinking
and innovation should be inspired. Students need tools that not only help them
learn, but also help them prepare for careers in the modern world. We need to
ensure that all students have up to date technology at their fingertips to help
them begin to design their own innovations that will help society advance
8.
Do
they restate the topic sentences of their previous body paragraphs? How
so?______________________________________________________________________________________________
9.
Do
they restate their thesis statement in the different and new
way?_____________________________________________________________________________________________
10. What is their call to action?__________________________________________________________________________________________
11. What should this writer do to improve their
paper?_________________________________________________________________________________________
12. What was your favorite part of the feature
article__________________________________________________________________________________________
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